Previously, I listed the weirdest male sex toys, and it took me awhile to compile that list. I am back with the most extreme sex toys I could find on the internet. It is not often that I find a sex toy that makes me stop and think. It is rare for me to stop, wide eyed and in awe, of what I am viewing. I have dug up some of the most extreme sex toys, toys that make me cock my head to the side. From cock and ball torture to huge dildos to just really weird sex toys.

1. eXtreme Sexy Sadist 4 Row Cock Ring

Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/eXtreme-Sexy-Sadist-Cock-Ring/dp/B001NQFN7A

Quote from the Website: “The steel spikes will dig into his skin as he becomes more aroused.”

Let’s start with a little cock and ball torture. This 1.5 inch cock ring has 4 layers of spike that will keep your lover from becoming fully erect in fear of his soft cock skin being pierced. The product page encourages you to properly measure the shaft you plan on putting in this device to avoid any serious damage.

2. Teddy Love Plush Bear Vibrator

Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/Teddy-Love-Plush-Bear-Vibrator/dp/B00RO9OWBI

Quote from the Website: “Innovative new products alter the way adult men and women utilize sexual aids now and into the future.”

This teddy bear boasts that it can be left out in your proper living space, as no one would guess that the oddly shaped muzzle has been firmly pressed against your genitals. Sadly, the vibrations are weak and it’s more creepy than cute.

3. Mini-Mals, Keychain Vibe

Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/Mini-Mals-Teddy-Bear-Vibe/dp/B001MUD608

Quote from the Website: “Minimals is a powerful pocket rocket style mini vibrator with a tickling, animal-shaped tip to tease and please nipples or clitoris.”

I don’t understand the obsession with putting cute little animals on devices that are meant to be inserted or pressed against our genitals. This product says that you may not get the animal pictured, and that animals are randomly chosen. So, not only are you getting a jelly toy – you’re also getting a random animal that you may not like pressing against your clit or butt.

4. Goo Gobblin’ Granny

Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/Pipedream-Extreme-Gobblin-Granny-Flesh/dp/B0024V8XCK

Quote from the Website: “Who said “beauty comes with age”? wrinkles, great fucking and hot head cums with age is more like it! this old mama really knows how to please and you’ll yell “please, help me” when she lies down for you.”

If you’re really into GILFs, but you’re having a hard time finding one willing to jump in bed with you, Goo Gobblin’ Granny is the perfect companion for you! She even comes with her own removable dentures for that authentic gummy blow job!

5. Extreme Ass Spreader

Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/UberKinky-Extreme-Ass-Spreader-Size/dp/B00K6BKAFS

Quote from the Website: “The forcep style design is easy to control and features locking mechanism for ultimate control.”

If you’re really into anal play, but can’t seem to find a dildo big enough for you – this extreme ass spreader guarantees a 4 inch gap! It is solid stainless steel, so at least it can be sterilized, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around just how those prongs work!

6. The Cannon

Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/Cannon-Suction-Huge-Dong-Black/dp/B007I6YSC0

Quote from the Website: “If it’s “balls to the wall” action you want, then get the cannon, bend over, and ready…aim…fire!”

I know on the last item on this list I insinuated you may be having a hard time finding a dildo or butt toy big enough – but if that last one wasn’t enough for you – this one provides a 5.25 inch circumference! It’s called The Cannon, and while it’s advertised to go up your bum, you can use it on any orifice you can fit it into!

7. Sexflesh Rosebud Anal Stroker

Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/superkrit-Sexflesh-Rosebud-Anal-Stroker/dp/B00BPMUMDM

Quote from the Website: “This stroker lets you experience the look and feel of an anus that has been totally wrecked.”

After The Cannon, your rectum may look like this. If you’re not into having a prolapsed anus, but want to experience how it feels to have sex with one, the Sexflesh Rosebud anal stroker is designed to provide just that! Yes, this is an anus that has been “totally wrecked” just for your stroking pleasure.

8. LoveBotz Pleasure Pole

Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/LoveBotz-Pleasure-Pole/dp/B01MY4UPKX/ref=sr_1_1_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1522338214&sr=1-1&keywords=LoveBotz+Pleasure+Pole

Quote from the Website: “Fuck yourself with a pogo-stick!”

This is another device I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around. Do you sit on it and bounce? Why isn’t there a place for your feet? Why is the handle on the other side of the pole? Maybe I’m just looking at it wrong, but I can’t figure this one out.

9. Pipedream Just-in Beaver Blow Up Doll

Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/Pipedream-Just-Beaver-Blow-Doll/dp/B009JDOLP4

Quote from the Website: “But the Beave-ster doesn’t have this effect just on women–he turns straight men gay faster than you can peel his skinny jeans off!”

If you’re a huge Beiber fan and can get past the creepy, borderline pedophile marketing, there is a product on the market that can help you fulfill a Beaver… I mean, Beiber fan fantasy! This blow up doll is made to look like Justin Beiber and the description boasts he even turns straight men gay.

10. Passion Lubes, Natural Water-Based Lubricant, 55 Gallon Drum

Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubes-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant/dp/B005MR3IVO/ref=sr_1_1_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1522338929&sr=1-1&keywords=55+gallon+drum+of+lube

Quote from the Website: You may never run out of lube again

The final item on my list is something that has been on my radar for years – I actually want it for myself. Amazon has a 55 gallon drum of lube for sale. They say you may never need lube again, but they doubt how much lube I really use!

8 COMMENTS

  1. Hey guys,
    This lube was excellent. Compared to other similar products that I have used I found that it was far more slick than normal water based lube. Although I do not think your are supposed to consume it, it has a sweet flavor. My only complaint is that it is a little watery when applied, but this can be expected since it is not a gel lubricant. Overall excellent and I will buy again!
    Thanks!

  2. What IS that first picture?! EW! People actually like that? Why would you want to look at an “anus that has been totally wrecked” much less stick your cock into that? That’s disgusting!

  3. Justin Beaver sex doll. I’m dying. Send halp. Can’t believe there is actually a market for that. Prolly lonely housewives who spend too much time tryna be their teen daughters bff.

  4. “The steel spikes will dig into his skin as he becomes more aroused.”

    What the actual fuck!

    How can anyone become aroused with spikes around their knob?!

  5. I used the nose of a teddy bear before I had access to any toys. It was okay but I don’t think I’d go back. Even if the nose did vibrate.

  6. A “gummy blow job” doesn’t even sound appealing from a real person. Also I don’t wanna have to keep up with a dolls dentures. The goo gobblin granny sounds terrible. I’d love to see a picture of it out of the package though. Just for curiousitys sake….

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